Question for the Digital Ages

Why is it that scanners absolutely, positively never work? Really? Every single time I've ever needed to scan something, I can't find a single one that works. They manage to throw error messages up the wazoo, completely lock up the system, fill the room with smoke, destroy major cities in Japan, even sing Fine Young Cannibals songs, but I have yet to actually see one successfully scan anything. Why is this? Is this some kind of evil scheme created by scanner manufacturers to drive everybody else insane so that they can take over the world and make us their slaves? Is this part of some MPAA "anti-piracy" scheme to prevent us from taking a photo of each individual frame in a movie, scanning them in, re-animating them, and sending the movies out over the Internet? ...

uhh... yeah. Anyway, I was planning to have something semi-entertaining up here, but obviously, that plan kind of fell through, so instead, please enjoy this picture of University of Scranton president Fr. Joseph McShane, S.J, singing the Meow Mix jingle:

AAAARRRRRRRGH!

For those of you who have actually visited this site more than once, all one of you, you may remember that I had a message board a while back. Then, almost a year ago, I swithced to an outside message board hosted by the fine folks at Computer Stew, which ceased to exist a few months ago. So today, I decided to bring the old board back. Mind you, this thing didn't have a single link at the internet pointed to it in almost a year, and nobody even visits this site anyway, so I was pretty suprised when I saw this message posted two months ago:

This is no joke
Posted by Sanchez on April 11, 2001 at 18:44:47:

TURN $6.00 INTO $6,000!!!
IT'S SIMPLE AND IT'S LEGAL!!!!!!!
I found this on a bulletin board and decided to try it a little while back,
I was browsing through news groups just like you are right now and came
across a article similar to this saying that you could make thousands of
dollars within weeks with only an initial investment of $6.00!!

(Rest of message omitted. What, do you actually think I'm going to promote this twit?)

Anyway, the whole thing was about three fricking pages long. Nice to see that the scum of the Internet have not only spread to message boards, but message boards that are inaccessable from anywhere on the Web. I can't wait for the day when they can just post their shit directly on the front page of every website in the world. Wheee!