Sunday, September 23, 2001

Oh yeah, we're really grasping for updates now.

Well, it's finally happened. I've gotten so bored, so desperate for something, anything to do, that I'm actually going to write a post listing the contents of my desk. I frankly never thought that it would ever really come to this, but here it is, so you might as well enjoy. Just be thankful that this hasn't degraded into Ben Schumin's site yet. That will probably be the next update. Anyway, first off, we have my main computer desk:
You probably don't want to see this anyway
Oh yeah, it's a mess. As you can see, the fire marshall is going to run in here any day now and shut down this whole operation. Anyway, starting from the left, you have the ever-present Far Side calendar, an empty Pepsi can, then a huge pile of junk, including:

  • A microphone
  • Two McDonald's coupon books
  • A TV/VCR remote
  • A DVD remote
  • Napkins, napkins, napkins
  • Several thousand manuals and driver disks strewn about randomly.
  • A bunch of junk mail envelopes from such fine institutions as the University of Scranton, various credit card companies, and Suncoast, the official overpriced video store of the Internet Landfill
  • About $20 in rolled change that keeps rolling off the desk onto the keyboard while I'm trying to typjhkj7uyku
  • Battery pot luck
  • And finally, somewhere behind that pile is a Zip drive, as well as the key to everlasting youth.

In front of that, I have a pair of headphones hooked directly into the soundcard, because my computer's speakers absolutely suck. To the right of that, there's a cheap souvenir thermometer from Florida that's about 20 degrees off at all times. Then there's a stack of CD-R discs that I can't use because my burner is dead. On top of that, we have a bunch of Zip and floppy disks. Next to that we have a couple storage boxes, containing even more Zip disks, and an ethernet hub. Other things to note:

  • That yellow box of Pepto-Bismol tablets above the microphone. Expiration date: September 1996.
  • Yes, that is the floating, disembodied head of David Byrne, and no, he's not happy to see you.
  • One of the CD's in that shelf on the left is the soundtrack to the first Flintstones movie. I believe I'm the last person in the world who actually owns a copy of that.
  • I'm not going to even get started on that huge mass of papertude in between the CD's there, so don't even ask.
  • Why do I have two mice? The one on the right is for my other computer. And look, here's that other computer now! (Yow! Somebody give me an award for that segue!)

Uhh... yeah. Well, there's a dollar bill on top of the computer there, I think that's been there since 1997, and... uhh... a keyboard. Yeah, that's it, a keyboard. Oh, and napkins, lots and lots of napkins. Napkins napkins napkins...


Saturday, September 08, 2001

We get letters

And now, I'm going to answer some of the feedback I've gotten from people just like you over the last 3 years. Actually, I'm going to answer most of it. It's pretty hard not to, since only 8 people ever bothered to send anything. In fact, the feedback file contains more "script test" entries from myself than it does actual feedback. Sad, really. Anyway, on to the first message, from "meow.":


meow. meow meow meow. meow meow, meow meow meow? meow, meow meow. *sigh*

I'll let University of Scranton President Fr. Joseph McShane, S.J. handle this one. Fr. McShane?

Fr. McShane
Thank you, Fr. McShane. Our next letter comes from jerry. He writes:

It was great to see the Casey still stands; they've only had nearly 20 years to figure out what to do with it!

I attended the University of Scranton in 1984 and hoped to be able to see the inside of that buidling before it fell. Unfortunately, the city did not find the need to preserve it the way they did with the Scranton Dry Good building, which was empty but fully heated the last time I saw it.

I got this one back in 2000, when the Hotel Casey was indeed still standing. Unfortunately, it was demolished earlier this year to make way for a large hole in the ground:

The Luxurious Hotel Casey

Right now, they're in the process of building a brand new hotel and conference center across the street from the former site of the Casey. I don't know why. Who the hell would want to have a conference in Scranton, anyway? I'd say something about how the loss of the Casey is a very bad thing for the city, but Peter Hocking already handled that topic in the June 4 entry of his weblog thingamiwhoozit (No longer online. If you wanted to see it, too bad.). As for the Scranton Dry Good building, I think Scranton Prep bought it and is planning to tear that down, too. That might be another building I'm thinking of, though.

By the way, if you're interested in what the inside of the Hotel Casey looked like, you can check out this site, which contains many illegally-obtained photos. Trespassing: W00t! This has been a message from the National Trespassing Bureau.

(Oct 29, 2001 update: Unfortunately, this site appears to have vanished from the face of the Internet. If anybody knows of a new location or even has the pictures from it sitting on their harddrive someplace, please let me know. For those of you who are still wondering what the Casey looked like inside before it was torn down: take what's left of the Titanic, remove most of the water, and replace the fish with pigeons. For those of you who are wondering about what the Casey looked like inside after it was torn down: you *really* need to get out more.)

Our next letter, from Erica:

Um, I realize that I am a big loser for actually writing and the fact that I am from Scranton, PA; but I was looking at your ScrantonCam and the picture that is supposedly taken from the 6th floor of the Casey Hotel had some, I believe they were, Cacti? Now, as many people realize, Scranton is in the North Eastern section of the US where I really dont think that there are any cacti. I just thought I would tell you. Yes, you can rant and rave all you want because some chick from Scranton corrected your site but I am really friggen bored and this took about 10 minutes of my pathetically anal life to complete so thankyou for filling my life with wonderfful things to complain about. Okay...I am going now.

You... Nah, it's too easy. Next!

The UK's very own raziele chimes in with the following:

wot s this site about please send me death threats so I can send them around

Okay, so this person apparently found my feedback page while doing a search for "death threats". I don't know why, but for some reason I find the thought of somebody saying that with an English accent absolutely hilarious. Then again, I live in Scranton. You almost have to be easily amused in this town. Anybody who lives here will know exactly what I'm talking about. Well, anybody who isn't named Erica, anyway.

So that's it for the feedback. I'd answer more, but that would mean that I'd have to get more first. So send something. Please. And Be sure to tune in next time, when I'll don a skimpy Sailormoon costume and juggle morningstars with my nose while singing Oops, I Did It Again. Or maybe not...

Tuesday, September 04, 2001

"Hi, do you have $100?"

Yes, some girl actually asked me this the other day. I don't know what she expected; I'm a college student, I'm just as broke as she is. And what little money I did have, I had already spent on food and cartoons. So obviously, I didn't have $100 on me at the time. Okay, so then she asks me if I have $50. The answer is still no.

"Do you have any money at all?"

"Uhh... I think I have a quarter here somewhere..."

I did end up giving her a quarter, actually. And I'm sure it was for a good cause. Assuming, of course, that a drug dealer from New Jersey qualifies as a "good cause". But this brings up a good point: as I type this, there are literally millions of broke college students across America who are jonesing for their daily dose of pot/crack/Dayquil/whatever. In addition to asking random people on the street for large sums of money, they have resorted to such things as smoking University landscaping and sniffing public restroom toilets in an attempt to get a cheap high. These kids desperately need our support, folks. That's why I'm proud to announce the Stoners Across America Telethon 2001!

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, we're hoping to raise enough money in the next three days to keep collegiate potheads all over the country stoned out of their gourds for the remainder of the school year! So call now, or else we'll bring Jerry Lewis out here. You don't want to see him again, do you? Especially now that that the MDA telethon just ended. You won't believe how totally smashed he gets after...

*Loud crash heard in background*

Dammit, Jerry, get out of that golf cart!


You really don't want to see this, folks. So donate something; you've been warned...

(718) 387-6962

Incidentally, "Hi, do you have $100?" tops "Hi, would you like a story?" as the worst pickup line I've ever heard. It's too bad that I never actually think to say that to them when it happens. Oh well...