Monday, February 20, 2006

I Wish to Register a Complaint

So last night, a customer walked up to my register to return a tub full of dead fish. That left me with 9 defective slips, which I filled out as follows:

Slip 1: Dead.
Slip 2: Ceased to Be
Slip 3: No More
Slip 4: It's a stiff.
Slip 5: Bereft of life.
Slip 6: It rests in peace.
Slip 7: If it hadn't been nailed to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies.
Slip 8: It's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible.

I fully expect to be called into the office for a talk any time now.

And what would Brian Carpenter say?

Friday, February 17, 2006

Wednesday, February 01, 2006


Just when you think that the University of Scranton has finally hit the absolute bottom of the barrel...

Cheesy architecture!

... they decide to build a 30 million dollar ski lodge. Not only that, but they decide that, gosh, it would be just swell to eliminate two parking lots in order to erect said ski lodge.

Let me just elaborate on why this is a terrible idea: As a part time student, I've spent almost too many years attending the University. I've had to deal with many years of never being able to find a convenient place to park, or even any place to park, on campus. On most days, if you didn't arrive on campus by 9:00 AM, you were usually relegated to parking in the Poly Hi lot, which is on the far far far far far end of campus and involves a walk of at least a half mile (a full mile, if your class was in Hyland) in order to get to your class. This was especially great for those of us who were on tight schedules and couldn't actually make it to campus until about five minutes before the class started.

There were semesters where I have been frequently late for classes because I was driving around looking for a place to park. On many occassions, I have ended up having to skip classes entirely because there was simply nowhere to park in the area. Other times, I've resorted to parking illegally on the street or in the Steamtown Mall lot, and prayed to God that I didn't get towed, while wondering exactly why I plunked down $100 (now $200) on what is essentially a useless bumper sticker.

After several years of this garbage, the University finally got its act together and put some new parking lots in along Mulberry St. and Madison Ave. For the last couple of years, parking hasn't been much of a problem at the University. Now, if you arrive after 9 AM, you're merely relegated to parking on the top floor of the parking garage, which is still a lot better than being stuck in Poly Hi or taking your chances with the Scranton Parking Authority.

But nevermind the fact the commuter students can now make their classes, we have the more urgent problem that the spoiled rich kids from Long Island have to walk around for a minute to find a place to eat! Oh noes! So now, the University is going to eliminate both the Weinberg and Gunster lots in order to make room for a new $30 million ski lodg... err... student center.

Nevermind that this now means we commuters will be going back to the days of having to quit our jobs (which we need, because we don't have filthy rich parents to leech from), because we have to get to campus by 8 AM in order to have any hope of making our classes. Nevermind that they could have built an additional parking garage on Mulberry first, in order to prevent another parking crisis. Nevermind that there are a lot of other buildings on campus that need major renovations, including St. Thomas and Loyola halls. Don't even get me started on that hole in the ceiling of the WUSR main studio, through which you can see daylight. I'm sure the FCC will be thrilled if they saw what a crappy roof we have over thousands of dollars of sensitive broadcasting equipment. And yes, we did have a ceiling tile fall during a broadcast. Nevermind all this, because what we really, desperately need, more than anything else, is a fireplace lounge!

This pretty much reinforces an attitude that is very often implied by the University of Scranton: if you are not from Long Island, you are not welcome here. The University has consistently made it clear, through its actions, as well as its unresponsiveness to the needs of commuting students, that the only way for area students to have anything less than a frustrating experience at the University of Scranton is to pay top dollar for a dorm room that's only 10 miles from their house. This new "student" center happens to be the most flagrant declaration of contempt for commuting students yet. The more I look at these plans, the more I think that I'll be finishing my education at Marywood.

Looking back, I probably should have done that to begin with.