Even More Lame Car Stuff

Being hopelessly stuck in Scranton, Pennsylvania for the time being, I tend to have a tremendous amount of free time on my hands. (No, really?) Indeed. Nothing whatsoever has happened in this town since that banana truck crashed, which I think was about 40 years ago. The entire city is nothing more than a series of small bars and large churches, with Italian restaurants and double-block houses thrown in occasionally to mix things up a little. As you can imagine, this is a rather lousy place to live for a non-drinker who doesn't believe in organized religion. Thankfully I at least enjoy Italian food and live in a double-block house, otherwise I probably would have flung myself from the steeple of St. Luke's Episcopal by now. Don't even get me started on the lame concert schedule. (I don't like Lynard Skynard or Elton John already, so stop booking them every damn month!)

Anyway, quite a bit of this free time happens to fall between my classes, in increments too small to leave the vicinity of campus, but too large to do anything on campus, as the only two things that a commuting student can do at the University of Scranton are either eating or studying, and I don't think I've needed to study for anything since 10th grade. So during this time, I usually end up just walking around Downtown (Ha!) Scranton aimlessly, searching desperately for anything that is even remotely amusing or interest...

Schumin Alarm: *BWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!*

Bah, I knew that was going to happen. Anyway, here are a couple more odd cars that I've spotted in these travels to nowhere, in addition to the PenguinMobile and the HoagieMobile:

First off, we have this little dandy:



So here, not only do we have the old front bumper held on by duct tape trick, but for some strange reason there is also an audio/video cable taped into the mess. I'd like to know just what the hell the reasoning was behind that one. It's obviously not supporting anything. Maybe they plug a DVD player into it and watch movies, which are somehow projected onto the road via the headlights. A safe way to drive, I'm sure.

And then, there's this:



Uhh... yeah. It's a minivan... with a spoiler... Not much that needs to be said here, really. In fact, I think it would be best if we just mercifully ended the whole thing here. There can't possibly be a way to top this.

Next week: College Roomies From Hell!!!'s own Maritza Campos drops by to give an enlightening lecture on the post-WWII reconstruction of Japan and its relation to the size of Brett Somers' sunglasses through the years! Don't miss it! Even though you will, since it's not going to happen!