Hi, would you like a story?

Haven't updated this thing in a while. And why should I? It's not like anybody ever visits this thing.

Anyway, I went to this concert up at the Montage Mountain ampitheater last year. For those of you outside the Scranton area, it's basically a stage, a giant tent with a bunch of seats under it, and a lawn that has no view of the stage whatsoever, because the back of said tent comes down in front of it. It's poorly set up and gets very few acts that are actually worth seeing, especially since tickets cost about $20 more there than they do at any other venue within a 500-mile radius. Also: they serve cheeseburgers made of cardboard.

So I was at this Bob Dylan/Phil Lesh (some Grateful Dead guy) concert with Pete last year. Boy, was that an adventure. The parking lot was packed with people who for some reason can't figure out that the '60s ended 30 years ago; stoners in brightly-painted VW Buses as far as the eye can see. None of them were actually there for the concert, they just hung out in the parking lot the entire time. The few who actually did attend the show were there to see Lesh, and not Dylan; a sure sign that we should just drop the bombs on ourselves already.

We made it up to the gate, about an hour before Montage's crack security team (Motto: "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ") finally got around to opening the place. While we waited, we were approched by these two girls who, unfortunately, did not want to take us back to their respective VW buses. Instead they asked, "Hi, would you like a story?" They then proceeded to hand us these really cheesy, poorly-drawn cards that don't make any sense whatsoever. And now, for your viewing enjoyment:


Here it is! Wheeee! (Part One) (Part Two)


Pete might have the one he got up over on his site eventually, assuming he figures out where he put it. Until then, feel free to drive by his house and throw Rat Pack CD's onto his lawn.

"Hi, would you like a story?" Man, that's got to be the worst pickup line I've ever heard.

Question for the Digital Ages

Why is it that scanners absolutely, positively never work? Really? Every single time I've ever needed to scan something, I can't find a single one that works. They manage to throw error messages up the wazoo, completely lock up the system, fill the room with smoke, destroy major cities in Japan, even sing Fine Young Cannibals songs, but I have yet to actually see one successfully scan anything. Why is this? Is this some kind of evil scheme created by scanner manufacturers to drive everybody else insane so that they can take over the world and make us their slaves? Is this part of some MPAA "anti-piracy" scheme to prevent us from taking a photo of each individual frame in a movie, scanning them in, re-animating them, and sending the movies out over the Internet? ...

uhh... yeah. Anyway, I was planning to have something semi-entertaining up here, but obviously, that plan kind of fell through, so instead, please enjoy this picture of University of Scranton president Fr. Joseph McShane, S.J, singing the Meow Mix jingle:

AAAARRRRRRRGH!

For those of you who have actually visited this site more than once, all one of you, you may remember that I had a message board a while back. Then, almost a year ago, I swithced to an outside message board hosted by the fine folks at Computer Stew, which ceased to exist a few months ago. So today, I decided to bring the old board back. Mind you, this thing didn't have a single link at the internet pointed to it in almost a year, and nobody even visits this site anyway, so I was pretty suprised when I saw this message posted two months ago:

This is no joke
Posted by Sanchez on April 11, 2001 at 18:44:47:

TURN $6.00 INTO $6,000!!!
IT'S SIMPLE AND IT'S LEGAL!!!!!!!
I found this on a bulletin board and decided to try it a little while back,
I was browsing through news groups just like you are right now and came
across a article similar to this saying that you could make thousands of
dollars within weeks with only an initial investment of $6.00!!

(Rest of message omitted. What, do you actually think I'm going to promote this twit?)

Anyway, the whole thing was about three fricking pages long. Nice to see that the scum of the Internet have not only spread to message boards, but message boards that are inaccessable from anywhere on the Web. I can't wait for the day when they can just post their shit directly on the front page of every website in the world. Wheee!

Interview with a University of Scranton Student

Good evening, and welcome to Views Across America(TM Patent Pending), the show where we discuss current affairs with ordinary people just like you. I'm Edwin L. McGinty, and tonight, we have with us Mr. Nick Foogmaroon, a college Student from the University of Scranton in Scranton, Pennsylvania. Good evening, Nick.

Nick: Yo, yo, yo! Whut up, homeslice? Shout out to all my peeps back at Redington! WHOOOOOOO!

E: Uhh... yeah. Anyway, tonight we'll be discussing the ongoing tension in the Middle East. Nick, what are your thoughts on the conflict between Israel and Palestine?

N: Yo, Israel? You damn right I's real! Yo, check 'dis out, me an' Lou, we's got drunk and rolled peoples' trash cans an' sh*t down 'da hill inta traffic. You shoulda seen all 'dem cars tryin' to miss 'em. Damn, 'dat was some cool sh*t.

E: Ooooo-kay. Well, what did you think of all the recent bombings?

N: Yo, did you's see 'dat one video, where all's da people was dancin' and sh*t, and 'da floor caves in, and they's all screamin' an' sh*t? Me and Lou's was watchin' 'dat sh*t all weekend. 'Dat wus some funny sh*t.

E: Actually, that was just a structural failure, not a bo...

N: Yo, where's 'da beer?

E: Excuse me?

N: Yo, I's t'aught there's supposed to be beer at 'dese tv 'tings?

E: Uh, no, we don't have beer, sorry.

N: Yo, 'dis place sucks! I's goin' back to 'da crawl. C-ya! *Storms out of studio

E: Uhhh... okay. That's all the time we have for this week. Tune in next week, when we'll be discussing President Bush's energy plan with an Amish farmer. For Views Across America(TM Patent Pending), this is Edwin L. McGinty. Thank you, and goodnight.

Goodbye, old friend...

The Hotel Casey
1910-2001